1 post tagged “christmas sweater”

I'm just a regular scrooge ain't I.

I don't mean to be one, but I can't help getting the mean side of me OUT this season. After Valentines Day, Christmas is one of my most detested holidays. No, Santa didn't skip my chimney the other year, and there's nothing wrong with my brain. I'm sure there are hoards of us who don't like the Christmas season. Not one bit.

Simply because of...

1. Scented Candles (or the lack of creativity with giving gifts) - Last Christmas, I received a grand total of 10 scented candles, that although sweet smelling, are gathering dust on my coffee table. People, I know it's a busy season, and you probably don't have time to buy me a decent gift (or anyone for that matter), but this Christmas, let's stick to Gift Cards okay?

2. Christmas Sweaters - Why do they still make these?

In an interview, Kathy Hilton admitted to wearing one during Christmas family reunions. Lesson: Not even the richest people are spared from this fashion crime. It's cute with kids but with adults, cmon, not even the world's top model can pull it off.

3. Traffic - in the department store aisles, at the cashier, at the gift wrapping section. It's not entirely different from the traffic on the roads, but department stores are silent witnesses to numerous cart crashes, parents' raised voices("no, it was my son who saw that first so that's mine!", "you cut our friggin' line!"), children screaming and crying("all i want is another crazy frooog!") and dignified adults having a meltdown.

4. Little brats running around NOT RELATED TO YOU - this may just be another proof that I'm better off single. I love kids, I really do, but they have to be mine or sired by my siblings. Any child by my neighbor, or my mother's sister's  brother in-law's whatever, no matter how cute or adorable, is not qualified to be spoiled by yours truly. During Christmas Reunions, I have this urge to be the little devil that I am to these kids,"Guess who mommy loves more?? With that toy Lawrence, I'm sure it's Lilly".  Gawd, I'm 27 turning 45, "Oh Lilly let me take your picture with that cute lil sweater...(so I can blackmail you when you get older)..".

5. The air of hypocrisy during parties - whether it's an office party where you have to mingle with the bosses(whom you just mentioned to your officemates you'd like to staple to the wall) and pretend like you're having fun or a family reunion where Aunt Dolly gave you another Christmas sweater (like the years before). I detest these parties because everyone pretends to be in good terms with everybody(oh darleen, thank you for this gift.. which I gave you 2 years ago...).

Office parties - So it might be a bit fun with just your best buds in the office, especially when you're singing off key during karaoke time. However, when it's the boss's turn at the mic, you HAVE got to clap your damn hands. On the other hand, the bosses have it hard too - they have to pretend they don't want to maim you for 20% decrease in sales this year.

Family parties - My family is my life. My family includes my parents, siblings, a few of my parent's siblings, and a few cousins including our little dog Tampa and his new family. Does not include other the cousin of whoever's cousin, who is also the cousin of whoever - you get the point. Call me anti-social but during family parties, I stay holed in my room surfing the net. Beats air-kissing.

6. Muzak  - you know you hate it. While shopping in the mall, riding the elevator - the muzak is horrible this time of the year. Most Christmas songs I know are psychologically damaging ("I saw mommy kissing.. SANTA CLAUS!? nooo!). Played once, fine, but played numerous times, in different tempos, renditions and often in endless medleys - it can be annoying. Lucky you, if you brought your music player though.

7. Singlehood - Aside from Valentine's day, Christmas is one season where being alone - single, not in relationship, no complications - is emphasized more than ever. It doesn't help that during family reunions, your relatives can't keep their mouth shut about you being single when all your cousins are married, popping babies and how they know someone who you might wanna date.. etc etc(it would be great if they actually referred someone interesting..)

This Tuesday I'll be your regular Ebenezer Scrooge and stay holed in my room. If you wanna talk to me, travel to the east bearing gifts of Frankincens, Myrrh and Gold. I just might turn social.